It was the summer of '06, and I landed my first "big girl" job at a medical school. Little did I know, it would become a crash course in dating and men.

From Steve, the older VP who covered his ring finger whenever he was around me. I didn’t know I had to look at a man’s hand to annotate his relationship status. Don’t worry, I wised up pretty quickly.

To stingy Joe who wouldn’t even pay for my $3 meal when we ate lunch together. Was this how dating was supposed to be? I had no damn clue. Except that it made me uncomfortable that he didn't even offer.

How about fine ass John who asked me out but I lied and told him I was in a relationship to prove to him how desirable I was. When inside I died a little because I really wanted to date him.

And sweet David who was flunking out of medical school but had genuine feelings for me.

Dating felt like a mystery I couldn't solve. Until I learned to read the signs and value myself.  
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Kevin had done it. He had pushed my last fucking buttons and our friendship would soon be over.

I had asked his ass if he could take me to the phone store the following day so I could get my phone fixed. I didn’t have a car yet and he was my go to friend with a car.

Kevin decided to get bold with me. He told me sure and then added a caveat that I need to call him tomorrow to remind him in case he forgets.

“In case you forget! Do you have a memory problem?” I asked him with an attitude.

“Look” I said, without giving him a chance to answer.

“Do you think because I don’t have a car I need you. Don’t get it twisted, there’s other people I can call right now who will take me. So just let me know from now if you’ll remember or if I need to get someone else.”

He started stuttering, “Sorry, sorry Simone, no I can remember for sure, it’s just … sorry.”

“Ok.” I said.

On the dot the next day he was there. But something had changed in him. He was now a bit nervous around me, a bit unsure and on his best behavior not wanting to piss me off.

And then the unexpected happened 2 weeks later. One night after coming back home from a fun activity Kevin DROPPED a bomb on me that caught me off fucking guard!

“WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?”

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE, HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE??

I went from not knowing how to get men to take our relationship to the next phase to Kevin, MY FRIEND asking me to be his girlfriend without me doing anything or knowing what I did.

But we weren’t even dating, so how could I be his girlfriend? Oh shit, did Kevin think us hanging out were dates? Shit, he probably did. Was I unconsciously leading him to this destination? I think so, but how?

And how could I make it work consciously and all the time with the men I actually wanted to date? I would soon find the answers in the lost art of feminine leading without lifting.

“No” I said “I’m sorry” as I practically ran out of his car in shock while I left him in my parking lot in tears.

That experience started my fascination and deep dive into men, relationships and their intricacies.

The art of leading without lifting began to take shape, leading to unforeseen relationship dynamics.

After wasting more years without dating, I had a wake-up call when one of my social media follower messaged me to tell me she had used some of my dating advice and was benefitting in her relationship - getting gifts from her date. However, she wanted to know how to make her relationship last and what to do next to become his girlfriend. I was flabbergasted, she was tangibly benefitting from my dating advice while I was still sitting at home waiting for my Prince Charming to show up!

I quickly learned that it is not the prettiest, slimmest, nor sexiest woman who gets the dream relationship and man (that is the illusion at first), but it is the woman who consistently puts herself out there and shows up for herself and what she wants.

After that message from my follower, I started to take my own dating advice. The realization that consistent action and self-investment yield results prompted a strategic shift. 

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