Relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. However, sometimes one partner may employ manipulation tactics to control or undermine the other. Understanding these tactics can empower you to recognize them and protect yourself from emotional harm. Below, we'll explore some common manipulation tactics that men (anyone) might use in relationships.

1. Ghosting

Definition: Ghosting is the act of suddenly cutting off all communication with someone without explanation.

How It Affects You:

Emotional Distress: The sudden silence can cause anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt.

Lack of Closure: You’re left wondering what went wrong, which prevents you from moving on.

Control: By disappearing without warning, the manipulator maintains control over the relationship and your emotional state.

Example: You’ve been dating someone for a few months, and everything seems to be going well. Suddenly, they stop responding to your messages and calls, leaving you to question what happened.


2. Silent Treatment

Definition: The silent treatment is when someone deliberately ignores you or refuses to speak to you as a form of punishment.

How It Affects You:

Isolation: You feel isolated and desperate for communication.

Submission: You may feel compelled to apologize or change your behavior to end the silence.

Power Imbalance: The manipulator uses silence to assert dominance and control.

Example: After a minor disagreement, your partner shuts down and refuses to speak to you for days, making you feel guilty and anxious.


3. Disappearing

Definition: Disappearing involves sporadically vanishing from your life without explanation, only to reappear later as if nothing happened.

How It Affects You:

Instability: This creates an unstable environment where you never know when they’ll leave or return.

Emotional Rollercoaster: The constant cycle of leaving and returning keeps you emotionally off-balance.

Dependency: You may become dependent on their sporadic presence, hoping they’ll stay for good next time.

Example: Your partner frequently disappears for days or weeks without any warning or explanation, leaving you in constant uncertainty about the relationship’s status.


4. Starting Arguments

Definition: Starting arguments is a tactic where someone deliberately initiates conflicts to provoke a reaction or shift blame.

How It Affects You:

Emotional Exhaustion: Constant arguments drain your emotional energy and well-being.

Self-Doubt: You may begin to question your actions and words, thinking you’re always in the wrong.

Distraction: Arguments divert attention from the manipulator’s own behavior or issues.

Example: Every time you try to discuss your feelings or concerns, your partner starts an argument, making you feel like the problem lies with you.


5. Forcing Your Hand to Walk Away

Definition: This involves creating situations or behaving in ways that push you to end the relationship, so they don’t have to take responsibility. And if you don't walk away they know you'll accept even more demeaning and abusive behavior from them.

How It Affects You:

Guilt: You may feel guilty for ending the relationship, even though their behavior left you no choice.

Manipulated Outcome: They achieve their goal of ending the relationship without being the ‘bad guy.’

Emotional Trauma: You’re left to deal with the emotional aftermath of their manipulative tactics.

Example: Your partner continually neglects your needs, disrespects your boundaries, or engages in hurtful behavior, leaving you feeling like you have no option but to leave.


6. Gaslighting

Definition: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own perceptions, memories, or sanity.

How It Affects You:

Self-Doubt: You begin to question your own reality and judgments.

Dependence: You rely more on the manipulator for validation and understanding of what is real.

Mental Health Issues: Prolonged gaslighting can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Example: You clearly remember your partner agreeing to a plan, but when the time comes, he denies ever having that conversation and accuses you of making things up. You feel you must put everything in writing (via text, email trail) or have someone there so they can validate you later on.


7. Love Bombing

Definition: Love bombing involves showering you with excessive affection, attention, and gifts to gain control over you. Once they feel you are secure enough they may incorporate other manipulation tactics such as disappearing, starting arguments, gaslighting, playing victim, etc. Basically, hook, sink and reel. Therefore, keeping you in a state of co-dependency and abuse, while making you aim to get their original affection back.

How It Affects You:

Overwhelm: The intense affection can be overwhelming and disorienting.

Attachment: You quickly develop strong emotional attachments, making it harder to see the manipulator's true intentions.

Isolation: The manipulator might isolate you from friends and family by monopolizing your time and attention.

Example: At the beginning of the relationship, your partner is incredibly attentive and affectionate, constantly giving you gifts and compliments. However, this behavior suddenly stops once he feels secure in the relationship, revealing his true controlling nature. 


8. Triangulation

Definition: Triangulation is when someone brings a third party into the relationship dynamics to create jealousy, rivalry, or insecurity.

How It Affects You:

Jealousy: You feel jealous and insecure about the presence of another person.

Competition: You may feel compelled to compete for your partner's attention and approval.

Isolation: The manipulator isolates you by making you feel like you’re not good enough compared to the third party.

Example: Your partner frequently mentions an ex or another person in conversations, comparing you to them and making you feel inadequate.


9. Playing the Victim

Definition: Playing the victim involves making themself seem like the wronged party to gain sympathy and avoid accountability. Some will even go as far as crying to better effectively manipulate you, trust and believe they are not really sorry.

How It Affects You:

Guilt: You feel guilty and responsible for their emotional state.

Manipulation: They manipulate you into doing what they want by making you feel like you owe them.

Resentment: Over time, you may feel resentment for always being made to feel like the bad guy.

Example: Whenever you confront your partner about their hurtful behavior, they turn the tables and accuse you of being insensitive or hurting them, making you feel guilty for bringing it up.


10. Withholding Affection

Definition: Withholding affection is when someone deliberately withholds love, affection, or attention as a form of punishment or control.

How It Affects You:

Insecurity: You feel insecure and anxious about the relationship.

Compliance: You may change your behavior to regain their affection.

Emotional Distress: The lack of affection can lead to feelings of loneliness and rejection.

Example: After a disagreement, your partner becomes distant and stops showing affection, leaving you feeling unloved and desperate to make things right.


11. Blame Shifting

Definition: Blame shifting is when someone accuses you of the very behavior they are guilty of to deflect responsibility.

How It Affects You:

Confusion: You become confused about who is really at fault.

Guilt: You feel guilty for things you haven’t done, taking on blame that isn’t yours.

Conflict Avoidance: You may avoid addressing real issues to prevent further accusations and blame.

Example: Your partner accuses you of being unfaithful or dishonest when, in reality, they are the ones engaging in such behavior.


12. Future Faking

​Definition: Future faking is when someone makes grand promises about the future to keep you invested in the relationship, without any intention of following through.

How It Affects You:

Hope: You hold onto the relationship because of the promised future.

Disappointment: You feel constant disappointment when the promises are never fulfilled.

Manipulation: They use false promises to manipulate you into staying despite current issues.

Example: Your partner frequently talks about getting married, buying a house together, or having children, but never takes any real steps towards making these promises a reality.


13. Minimizing Your Feelings

Definition: Minimizing your feelings involves dismissing or belittling your emotions, making you feel like your concerns are unimportant or exaggerated.

How It Affects You:

Invalidation: You feel like your feelings and experiences are invalid or unimportant.

Self-Doubt: You begin to doubt the legitimacy of your emotions.

Silence: You may stop expressing your feelings altogether to avoid being dismissed.

Example: When you express hurt or discomfort, your partner says you’re overreacting or being too sensitive, making you feel silly for having those emotions.


14. Intimidation

Definition: Intimidation involves using threats, aggressive behavior, or a domineering presence to control or scare you.

How It Affects You:

Fear: You live in fear of their reactions and behavior.

Compliance: You may comply with their demands to avoid confrontation.

Isolation: Fear can isolate you from seeking help or support from others.

Example: Your partner raises their voice, uses aggressive body language, physical violence or threatens to leave you whenever you disagree with them, making you feel unsafe.


15. Playing Hot and Cold

Definition: Playing hot and cold is when someone alternates between being very attentive and loving and then distant and unavailable, creating an emotional rollercoaster.

How It Affects You:

Emotional Turmoil: The inconsistency leaves you in a constant state of emotional turmoil.

Dependency: You become dependent on their ‘hot’ phases, hoping for their affection.

Insecurity: The unpredictability makes you feel insecure about the relationship.

Example: One week, your partner is extremely loving and attentive, and the next, they become distant and unresponsive without any explanation.


16. Financial Control

Definition: Financial control involves controlling your access to money to limit your independence and increase dependency.

How It Affects You:

Dependency: You become financially dependent on them, limiting your freedom.

Powerlessness: You feel powerless to make decisions or leave the relationship.

Isolation: Lack of financial resources can isolate you from seeking help or leaving.

Example: Your partner insists on controlling all the finances, gives you a strict allowance, or prevents you from working, making you financially dependent on them.


17. Using Guilt

Definition: Using guilt involves making you feel guilty to manipulate your actions and decisions.

How It Affects You:

Compliance: You comply with their wishes to avoid feeling guilty.

Emotional Burden: You carry the emotional burden of feeling responsible for their happiness.

Resentment: Over time, you may feel resentment for being manipulated through guilt.

​Example: Your partner frequently reminds you of sacrifices they’ve made for you, making you feel guilty and obligated to return the favor, even if it’s unreasonable.

Manipulation in relationships is a serious issue that can have long-lasting emotional and psychological effects. By understanding and recognizing these tactics, you can take steps to protect yourself and ensure that your relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and genuine affection. Always prioritize your physical, mental and emotional well-being and seek support when needed.

Here's a quick recap of the manipulation tactics discussed:

1. Ghosting: Sudden, unexplained cut-off of communication.

2. Silent Treatment: Deliberately ignoring or refusing to speak.

3. Disappearing: Sporadically vanishing from your life.

4. Starting Arguments: Provoking conflicts to shift blame.

5. Forcing Your Hand to Walk Away: Creating situations that push you to end the relationship.

6. Gaslighting: Making you doubt your perceptions and sanity.

7. Love Bombing: Excessive affection to gain control.

8. Triangulation: Bringing a third party into the dynamics, even if not physically.

9. Playing the Victim: Making themselves seem wronged.

10. Withholding Affection: Deliberately withholding love and attention.

11. Blame Shifting: Accusing you of behaviors they’re guilty of.

12. Future Faking: Making false promises about the future.

13. Minimizing Your Feelings: Dismissing or belittling your emotions.

14. Intimidation: Using threats or aggressive behavior to control or scare you.

15. Playing Hot and Cold: Alternating between being attentive and distant.

16. Financial Control: Limiting your access to money to increase dependency.

17. Using Guilt: Making you feel guilty to manipulate your actions and decisions.
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