Ask him what his daddy did… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

Friday, May 03, 2024

Primary Blog/Red Flags/Ask him what his daddy did… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
truth about Fatherless Men

Whenever a man starts listing off all the shit his mama, ex-girl, grandmama, great aunt Neffy did for him, it's time to run. He's priming you to do all those things for him. Not I, said the cat. Ask him what his daddy did. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

When men grow up watching their mama go to work every day, come home to cook, clean, do laundry, help them with their homework with no outside help while their daddy is M.I.A. (missing in action) they internalize it as the natural role and course for a women, while they feel their role as a man and male is to remain responsibility free and to run the street like their daddy did.

(*This has nothing to do with the mother's who raise them and more to do with the missing father presence*)

Single Mothers

I know this may be a hard pill for some to swallow, especially for single mothers who are raising young sons alone or for the men who came from a single mother household. If you are a single mother raising a son(s) have him do shit around the house, so he knows it isn’t solely your job or responsibility. Take him to youth groups; boys to men clubs; put him in an organized activity/sport where he learns teamwork, works hard and can feel good about himself. Take him to places where he has to wear a suit and places where he can see men doing shit besides disappearing, running the streets, being lazy or being abusive.

You as a single mother need to teach your son(s) responsibilities. It is not solely a woman’s job to do the domestic household chores. Your sons need to learn how to wash the dishes, do laundry, take out the trash, cook, clean, and know that eventually he must go to work and be a responsible human being. If all he sees is his mother and sisters shouldering all the household duties while also going to work and school, he then believes that his role as a man is to sit back like a prissy little princess while the women he loves and cares about mules away for his trifling ass.

Show Vulnerability:

You also have to be vulnerable with your son(s). Let him know it is hard for you. Let him know it is hard having to do it all on your own without his dad's contribution or presence in the home.

Telling him the truth isn't bashing his dad. Stop trying to spare these deadbeats feelings while you pretend to be superwoman.

Let your son know how much you would appreciate his help around the house as it makes it a little easier for you. Then thank him whenever he helps. He’ll be more than willing to help you when you are vulnerable/soft instead of the hard and harsh superwoman he constantly sees.

So far all he knows and sees is Mom is a superhero and she got this. But he needs to be able to see the other side of the coin, too. He needs to see how hard it is for you and how helpful he can be when he does some household chores. He doesn't know it's hard for you if he sees you always being superwoman.

Unfortunately, many single mother households raise their daughters to be mammy mules, while their sons gets a free ride on the fuckboy train. Single mothers should be highly diligent in making sure their sons carry their weight around the house. Ultimately, when he sees you doing it all, he believes your role as his mother and as a woman, is to do it all. He doesn't learn what his role is as a man.

Assess the women in his family

This is why it is so important to assess a man’s female family members and their quality of life. How do his mother, sister(s), aunt(s), etc. look? Are they frumpy, tired, and irritable or made-up, well-rested and at peace? What kind of relationships do they have with men? Do the men of the family provide for them? Do they even have men of their own or do they use their son as a pseudo husband?

I’ve learned that assessing the women in a man’s family will give me almost all the information I need on the man and my quality of life with him.

Men who did not grow up watching their mama’s mule for their survival tend to be VASTLY different from men who did not have fathers in the household (for whatever reason). They have a different expectation for their woman. They don't expect their woman to DO IT ALL or to mule away for them.

I met a guy during the international study abroad program I was on whose mother was an educated stay at home wife/mother, her choice. He was an only child and was still sent off to boarding school. His highly successful father still provided cooks and maid services for his wife. The son came home during certain weekends, and holidays and loves his parents to death. When I asked him for the first time what his mother did for a living (a question I ask most men I meet) he was so proud to tell me that she didn't work and that she graduated at the top of her class at one of the most prestigious University in the country. In fact, he mentioned how she was actually one of the first woman to get accepted into that particular University. He had no problem knowing his role as a man. He would oftentimes make jokes to us asking if we would marry him and we would all say no. Then he would say, what if I gave you a 100 million dollars, then would you consider it, and the answers were a vibrant yes while he smiled exuberantly.

Other Commentaries 

💄💋From a Facebook friend “Yep. I dated a lawyer guy from the south who was raised in a two-parent household. We broke up but remained friends, so I know his business. Anyways, his ex-wife and mother of his children did not work while they were married, and she doesn't work now --She is a registered nurse. Now, his homeboy who was raised by a single mother in NYC is a software engineer for a defense contractor (aka he has a great salary) REQUIRES his wife to work. My ex cannot understand why his homeboy requires his wife to work. It completely baffles the fuck out of him and bothers him.”
...

​💄💋Another friend wrote, “My male sibling only had to take out the trash and keep his room clean. My mother had to threaten his life just to get him to walk 50 yards to throw the trash out. NOW, in his (his wife's) home, he does N-O-T-H-I-N-G!”


Conclusion

Men raised in two parent households with parents in traditional roles fair a lot better in their treatment of women. The average man who came from a home with solely their mother doing all the work tend to be insensitive to seeing a woman wear herself out, they think it is the norm. No number of degrees or suit can make them appealing to me. These men can usually list off everything a woman is supposed to do for them, mostly because they've watched their mama doing it all. They can tell you how a woman is supposed to cook, clean, raise the kids, go to work full-time, get a degree, give them pussy-head-and-ass every night, do laundry, stay fit, wear natural hair, no make-up or have a full face of make-up every day and the list goes on.

​But ask them what a man is supposed to do; they don't have the first fucking clue. Too busy in a woman's pot that they've missed what their role is as a man; that is, besides fucking and fathering children they refuse to take care of. All they’ve seen is their momma doing it all (aka all women should do it all. Aka, “if my momma can do it, why can't you, bitch?”) while daddy is roaming the streets, going house to house slinging dick and complaining about child support. That's all they see! No thank you!

Join the Conversation:

Excerpts were taken from Women Lead Men Follow: The Wrong Mr. Right book. Download now for free here or here to find out more about the other not so obvious wolves in sheep’s clothing.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE COMMENTS. Your perspective adds a unique flavor to the discussion!

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