Caution: Career men who shift relationship burdens onto you

Thursday, August 31, 2023

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Watch Out for Career Men Who Shift Relationship Responsibilities onto You

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On the surface, these men conceal their true deficiency, often escaping initial detection even by those closest to them. They are akin to wolves in sheep's clothing, but unlike the obvious bums who expect you to foot the bills, these men are accomplished professionals who've navigated their way through education and secured successful careers. However, their learning journey typically halts at their workplace door; their approach to life often resembles that of a programmed machine.

Learn about the different categories of “good men.”

And while they may pay the bills or the bulk of the bills in the relationship:

Regrettably, these career-men lack ambition that extends beyond their current station in life. They erroneously equate their job titles with personal fulfillment and achievement, failing to nurture aspirations for personal or spiritual growth.

Ambition remains an elusive trait for them. Any endeavors aimed at upward mobility seem perpetually on hold.

They leave the heavy lifting to you

At first glance if you are perceptive enough, they may appear slightly out of sync, not quite in tune with the normal dynamics of a partnership.

They resort to having you decide everything – "What should we have for dinner?" or "How does this work?"

While this might appear charming initially, it can rapidly, or sometimes gradually, transform into a heavy burden. They become emotional energy leeches, consistently relying on you for guidance and resolution.

They avoid making choices or participating in the collaborative efforts necessary for a healthy relationship. Instead, they leave it all to you.


They are insecure

Secretly, they're insecure about their own capabilities. Although they may generally exhibit kindness, they can grow irritable if you point out their dependence on you or the imbalance of efforts in the relationship.

They'll deflect accountability, attempting to gaslight you. "No, that's not true. I contribute by doing this and that," they'll retort, listing off menial, routine tasks they've robotically undertaken.

Other times they may resort to mentioning observation of instances where you allowed them to take the wheel or handle traditional masculine tasks (such as driving or tasks that requires no thought or critical thinking), using these examples to subtly impose guilt and gradually withdraw from their once-present masculine contributions.


Disoriented in unfamiliar situations

Any form of substantial intellectual engagement is primarily your responsibility.

In unfamiliar environments, they become disoriented, offering no assistance when you need it the most.

Ironically, they harbor a sense of disdain towards you because they recognize their own shortcomings when compared to your capabilities. So, even as they depend on you, they also foster resentment.

When in the presence of other men

 In the company of other men, they often adopt a faux disguise in an attempt to blend in and appear relatable. They ramble off random facts to sound like an expert.

Any facts or info you tell them they will rattle it off as though they were the original source. They'll even mess up and recite it back to you forgetting you were the one who told them. They use other people's work and emotional labor as their own. Moreover, they may go a step further by claiming credit for your accomplishments when around others, particularly other men. "It was my idea..."

If you allow them, these men can have a detrimental impact on your life.

Emotional vampires

It's crucial to sever ties with these men sooner rather than later. Their financial contribution or status doesn’t equate to the cost you undoubtedly pay.

They are, quite literally, emotional vampires and submissive partners in the relationship. Oftentimes wanting you to play the role of mommy dearest, yet simultaneously harboring resentment towards you due to their own inadequacy in fulfilling their masculine role.

They consistently portray themselves as the "nice guy" in public, never admitting wrongdoing. While a part of them clings to this self-deception, the reality couldn't be further from the truth.


Initiate your exit plan

Their presence can be overwhelmingly exhausting.

They vibrate at a lower frequency, unable to match your vitality or energy, despite their numerous degrees, seniority, or physical fitness.

Occasionally, you'll catch them gazing at you, undoubtedly wondering how you possess what they lack, despite their perceived accomplishments.

Yet, they'll persist in utilizing you for the emotional labor you tirelessly offer, all the while nurturing an underlying sense of contempt.

If you cannot leave them immediately, start stacking your ducks in a row and preparing yourself for your eventual exit.

Valuable Tip: Request tasks in the presence of others to prevent gaslighting attempts, ensuring you have a record of your requests. 

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Join the Conversation:

Now you

1. Have you ever experienced a situation where you felt burdened with most of the relationship responsibilities? Share your story.

2. What are your thoughts on the idea that some career men might use their professional accomplishments as a guise to not contribute in their relationships?

3. Have you encountered instances where career men try to take credit for their partner's accomplishments? How did you handle it?

4. What steps would you take to protect yourself and maintain your well-being if you found yourself in a situation with a partner who consistently shifts responsibilities onto you?
 

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE COMMENTS. Your perspective adds a unique flavor to the discussion!

As Always,

Your Bff,
Simone Idalia Master

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