Tomorrow is a new day

Sunday, August 27, 2023

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truth about Fatherless Men


We are in a hotel room


We are in a hotel room, somewhere far away in a place neither of us know. I'm lying on the bed fully clothed and you're beside me. "There's one thing I would like" I say to you in a voice that is already distance away. "Anything," you say, eagerly willing to please; our history had been hard and cruel. The most I allowed myself to do with you was kiss you on the lips. I would've given anything to kiss you the way that I wanted to, to kiss you without the knowledge that I now possess in every part of my being. Yes, that kiss would've been meaningful. It's crazy how it doesn't mean anything anymore. Our kiss was bitter and mundane, it tasted of sadness, and forgotten promises from souls who were already spirited away. That kiss wasn't our kiss and no matter what we did we could not get it back, there was just too much between us.

"I would like to see you naked," I say looking you deeply in the eyes. We neither smiled, nor beamed with passion, it was not a request of sexuality nor desire; we both knew it. Nor was it asked out of curiosity, what it was I cannot quite put into words, maybe it was a request out of sadness, a request to know just for the sake of knowing. You eased off the bed as I watched with a sense of calmness.

I watched you with serious eyes. Your expression was solemn, and I could sense your nervousness. I smiled and giggled, but it was not a smile for you, it was a smile from miles away, a smile from a manifestation of an alternate universe. I caught myself in the middle of being zoned out and gave you a reassuring look to go on.

You systematically took off your shirt

You systematically took off your shirt. There was no silliness between us, no prancing around, no laughter, no dance of desire. I had tasked you with a job that you felt the need to complete. You felt a sense of obligation and respect towards me, so you took on the mission. You knew you would not get anything in return but nonetheless you complied.

Normally with anyone else you would've felt a sense of pride exposing yourself. And the newer the eyes, the more exhilarated you felt; you enjoyed being seen. But my serious eyes had stripped away your pride, there was no ego left in sight. The only thing left was vulnerability. You knew that when I saw you, I would not only see your nakedness, but I would see your essence and all of you. I would see you with eyes that looked pass your sexuality and penetrated you, and although you would not admit it, it scared you.

I'm the only one who has been able to see you as you are; to see your games, your vulnerabilities, your cruelness and unkind nature. When I look at you, I see you and though I do not like you, I accept you as you are. I accept your scars and cruelness, they are you, and maybe in another life you can learn to be kind, calm, and maybe even good-natured.

Your pants are next to go

Your pants are next to go as my eyes remained fixated on you. It was only after your underpants were removed that I truly allowed myself to look at you. You stood stoically.

I started with your face and eased my way down. I could see how uncomfortable you were. It was like watching somebody on the auction block.

I stopped at your chest; it is there that I first see them. I could tell you were oblivious to their presence, but they were all there, ghosts of previous pasts. They clung to you, trapped inside of your thoracic cavity. I moved down to your bulging belly, and I could see the rest, stranded within your abdomen. They are the residue of conquered souls, the residue of abused muse and they all lived inside of you, feeding on you as you had once fed on them.

After I had my fill of seeing them, I moved down to your manhood. You were flaccid. And I asked for no apparent reason at all if it gets hard. Your manhood started to spring to life from the attention. I reached my fingers out and briefly touched it. Then I was done. I had seen all that I cared to see. "You can put your clothes back on," I say to you as I eased off the bed.

Tomorrow is a new day

I opened the balcony door to view the sunset.

After a while I felt your presence behind me. You hold my waist and lean into me as I face the horizon. "Sorry," you say, but I don't know if you mean it. I shake my head up and down, nonetheless. I am 23 or maybe 43 but who knows these days. Time is never as it seems. The young become the old, the old becomes the young as the cycle continues. You release my waist and head back into the hotel room as I continue to face the horizon.

Tomorrow is a new day.

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