Modern dating dynamics have taken a left turn. Men are spoiled rotten and lazy when it comes to courting a woman. And it’s not like they don’t know how to court a woman. But they see women tolerating the bare minimum, so why not.

Back in the day (think 1950s), guys used to show up with flowers for not just their date, but her mom too. They'd knock, sit down with her dad, and have a serious chat about their intentions, from date 1, or date zero as modern delusional dating likes to call it. These men would have serious chats with the father-figure of the household about their intentions to court his daughter. Even young high school and middle school boys were taught a similar courtesy and decorum.

But today? Well, things have shifted.

Women are more independent, not tied down to the traditional family unit. But instead of these men coming correctly as they once did, they are giving less and less and less. And this usually rings true throughout the entire duration of the relationship. Instead of guys stepping up -- coming with effort, they're often stepping back and stepping down. Just outright lazy and basic.

I've heard some women argue that they prefer coffee dates for a quick exit if things go south.

But guess what? You can keep a dinner date short too – just get up, split the bill (since you're leaving early), and leave. It's totally within your control.

A dinner date can be as short as a coffee date if you want it to be. The key difference lies in the effort – the tone is different and he’s approaching it with effort in several ways unlike a coffee date.

A dinner date demands more from both sides.

From my own dating experience, the guys pushing for coffee dates were often just time wasters.

They send out a bunch of cookie-cutter date offers to different women, hoping someone will bite and it won't hit their wallet too hard or at all.

But you know what? I don’t like the idea of a man pinching pennies before we’ve even met. He shouldn’t be dating if he can’t afford the price that comes along with dating. In any case, it doesn’t set the right tone.

If he likes me and wants to court me, I honestly need dinner effort as a first date. I need him to have some skin in the game by paying for my dinner.

And if a $60- $100 (or more) dinner date is going to break his pocket, I mean, is he really ready for a girlfriend?

And come to think of it, even boys in high school put more effort into courting a girl they like. So why the fuck shouldn’t a grown ass man come even more correctly.

If a guy you're not into suggests a coffee date, turn it down. (Or you can simply repeat what I say below for the man I'm interested in).

If a guy I'm interested in suggests a coffee date, I’d politely let him know I don’t do drink dates.

I’d simply say, “That’s sweet, but I don’t do drink dates.”

And I kid you not most of the men I’ve said that to usually says, “No problem, how about dinner instead?”

And I'll respond with something like, "That sounds nice. When were you thinking?"

The ones who didn’t suggest dinner would ask me what I had in mind. But come on, that's not my job. Planning the date is on him.

I’m not doing the heavy lifting for any man, that’s against my entire philosophy. Booking and planning the date IS the man’s job! I may lead him to ask me out but it’s his job to book and plan the dates. He does the heavy lifting, not me.

Trust me, men know EXACTLY what is expected of them! They just like to play games. But all I know is, I’m the winner of every game I’ve played especially when it involves men.

Don’t answer the “what do you want to do?” question by directly telling him you want a dinner date. He already knows. He is simply being obtuse because his original low-effort offer was denied. His ego was bruise. Poor him. Not!

I will usually say or write back when they ask what I have in mind, “What were you thinking?” putting the work back in their hand.

Usually, they will either suggest a dinner date and I will repeat the above assurance,  "That sounds nice. When were you thinking?" Or they will suggest another free non-effort date in which I will simply say or write, “No thank you.”

So, are coffee dates my thing? Definitely not.

In my book, coffee dates just feel cheap and lazy. They are not romantic and leaves nothing to be desired. They're like a shortcut for putting in genuine effort. And frankly, if that's my first impression of a man, what's even my incentive to want to see him again? I don't give a fuck how funny his goofy ass personality is or how good he looks to the eyes. I need real effort and intention from a man who is courting me.

I'm all about a guy who's thrilled to court me, someone who's ready to put in the work - starting from day one. Instead of a man with generic effort he can easily do with a 100 different women. Nope, no thanks.

Let's raise the bar, ladies. 

Say, "no thank you" to cheap, low-effort dates.

Speaking to men: Step up or step back – that's it!