Why Coffee Dates Just Don't Cut It

Saturday, September 02, 2023

Primary Blog/Most Popular/Why Coffee Dates Just Don't Cut It
truth about Fatherless Men

Hey there, BFF!

Let's have a chat about coffee dates…

Here’s why I don’t do coffee dates

Link to meme version.

Coffee dates feels like an audition to get the man. The goal - make it to another date - the beloved dinner date. This being a better and more worthy date that the woman secretly desires. Meanwhile, the man gets to sit back like a (low effort) "fat" king.

He beckons his troop (harem) of women with low bar requests to meet at a coffee shop.

Once she arrives, he sits back smugly with an air of conceit. He listens intently on what she says, as he thinks to himself:

“Is she worthy of another date - A dinner date?”

“Will she be a nice shag?”

“Is she easy?” …

“She can’t be that hard if she’s already here on a coffee date (cheap) with me.”

I just want to slap the smug off their faces.

For me, a coffee date is the equivalent of men mass-messaging slew of women online with one-word messages.




they rally off in random women’s dm; one after another with the hopes that someone will bite.

Then they sit back and wait for someone to reply. And when one does, they allow her to carry the remainder of the conversation as though she was the one who initiated the conversation. And lo and behold these prissy princesses’ males sit back and act nonchalant and hard to get as though they are the catch and not the solicitor. Yuck, such betas.

Here’s the thing, these men don’t even remember the woman. This is because day in and out they send the same generic ass messages to plethora of women. When the woman takes the bait and replies, they must look at her profile to see who she is. Needless to say, genuine connection takes a backseat. It is an incredibly soulless interaction with the male sousing out what he thinks he can get from the woman without putting in too much effort.

That, to me is the equivalent of a coffee date.

I know that some dating strategies recommend coffee dates as Date 0. And that’s fine if you so choose, I suppose.

But as for me, I want to start the relationship/interaction off on the right foot. And a coffee date damn sure isn’t the right foot.


Modern dating dynamics have taken a left turn. Men are spoiled rotten and lazy when it comes to courting a woman. And it’s not like they don’t know how to court a woman. But they see women tolerating the bare minimum, so why not.

Back in the day (think 1950s), guys used to show up with flowers for not just their date, but her mom too. They'd knock, sit down with her dad, and have a serious chat about their intentions. From date 1, or date zero as modern delusional dating likes to call it. These men would have serious chats with the father-figure of the household about their intentions to court his daughter. Even young high school and middle school boys were taught a similar courtesy and decorum.

But today? Well, things have shifted.

Women are more independent, not tied down to the traditional family unit. But instead of these men coming correctly as they once did, they are giving less and less and less. And this usually rings true throughout the entire duration of the relationship. Instead of guys stepping up -- coming with effort, they're often stepping back and stepping down. Just outright lazy and basic.


Auditioning: Coffee Date vs. Dinner date

With no checks and balances in place anymore which the traditional family dynamic subtly enforced, men are coming with bare minimum efforts or no effort at all. They are auditioning women instead of being the ones being auditioned. Isn’t that fucking great for them.

I don’t like it one fucking bit.

And I think women give men too many passes to come with the bullshit. Too many passes for them to under deliver.

Here's the reality: You are not auditioning for him. HE is auditioning for YOU!

However, when you lower your standards into accepting a coffee date, the roles reverse. You are now the one auditioning for him with the hopes that he’ll ask you out for a second date- the real date - the better date- the more traditional (now elusive) dinner date.

That doesn’t sit right with me. Too many of these straight men want to be the woman in the relationship and are absolute beta bitches.

Now, a dinner date – that's a whole different story. He’s the one auditioning for you. He’s putting effort in the place he chooses, his outfit, his words, his tone of voice and the conversation he has with you... It sets the right tone for starting the (potential) relationship instead of an informal coffee date that renders no effort in anything, not location, attire, speech, finances or give a damn.

And there are even some of these losers who even go as far as not paying for the coffee date. Cheap ass manipulators.

Men are now the prissy little princesses (more like Prissy little bitches) instead of being actual men who knows their role is to court and pursue the woman they desire/like.

And trust and believe, they know how to do this. They must do this to get their dream woman, the woman who won’t put up with their bullshit or accept bare minimum efforts from them or any man.

Some women say they prefer coffee dates:

I've heard some women argue that they prefer coffee dates for a quick exit if things go south.

But guess what? You can keep a dinner date short too – just get up, split the bill (since you're leaving early), and leave. It's totally within your control.

A dinner date can be as short as a coffee date if you want it to be. The key difference lies in the effort – the tone is different and he’s approaching it with effort in several ways unlike a coffee date.

A dinner date demands more from both sides.

Time Wasters

From my own dating experience, the guys pushing for coffee dates were often just time wasters.

They send out a bunch of cookie-cutter date offers to different women, hoping someone will bite and it won't hit their wallet too hard or at all.

But you know what? I don’t like the idea of a man pinching pennies before we’ve even met. He shouldn’t be dating if he can’t afford the price that comes along with dating. In any case, it doesn’t set the right tone.

If he likes me and wants to court me, I honestly need dinner effort as a first date. I need him to have some skin in the game by paying for my dinner.

And if a $60- $100 (or more) dinner date is going to break his pocket, I mean, is he really ready for a girlfriend?

And come to think about it, even boys in high school put more effort into courting a girl they like with. So why the fuck shouldn’t a grown ass man come even more correctly.

What to do if a man asks you for a coffee date- even if you like him

If a guy you're not into suggests a coffee date, turn it down. (Or you can simply repeat what I say below for the man I'm interested in).

If a guy I'm interested in suggests a coffee date, I’d politely let him know I don’t do drink dates.

I’d simply say, “That’s sweet, but I don’t do drink dates.”

And I kid you not most of the men I’ve said that to usually says, “No problem, how about dinner instead?”

And I'll respond with something like, "That sounds nice. When were you thinking?"

The ones who didn’t suggest dinner would ask me what I had in mind. But come on, that's not my job. Planning the date is on him.

I’m not doing the heavy lifting for any man, that’s against my entire philosophy. Booking and planning the date IS the man’s job! I may lead him to ask me out but it’s his job to book and plan the dates. He does the heavy lifting, not me.

Trust me, men know EXACTLY what is expected of them! They just like to play games. But all I know is, I’m the winner of every game I’ve played especially when it involves men.

Don’t answer the “what do you want to do question?” by directly telling him you want a dinner date. He already knows. He is simply being obtuse because his original low-effort offer was denied. His ego was bruise. Poor him. Not!

I will usually say or write back when they ask what I have in mind, “What were you thinking?” putting the work back in their hand.

Usually, they will either suggest a dinner date and I will repeat the above assurance,  "That sounds nice. When were you thinking?" Or they will suggest another free non-effort date in which I will simply say or write, “No thank you.”


So, are coffee dates my thing? Definitely not.

In my book, coffee dates just feel cheap and lazy. They are not romantic and leaves nothing to be desired. They're like a shortcut for putting in genuine effort. And frankly, if that's my first impression of a man, what's even my incentive to want to see him again. I don't give a fuck how funny his goofy ass personality is or how good he looks on the eyes. I need real effort from a man who is courting me.

I'm all about a guy who's excited to court me, someone who's ready to put in the work - starting from day one. Instead of a man with generic effort he can easily do with a 100 different women. Nope, no thanks.

Let's raise the bar, ladies. Demand more from men, especially when they're bringing the bare minimum.

Say "no thank you" to cheap, low-effort dates.

Speaking to men: So, guys, step up or step back – that's it!


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Now You

What's your take on coffee dates? Yah or nah?

Let me know in the comments if you agree or disagree with the article.

Your perspective adds a unique flavor to the discussion!

As Always:

Your Bff,


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